29 October 2005

Messy Affairs of beauracracy

If someone wanted to talk abt slavery to a slave would he be willing to talk about it- yes?

on our way in a bit to Pink Triangle an NGO group that is apparently working on behalf of transexuals and their awareness of AIDS. We've tried the telephone, where they redirected us to another man; gave us his e-mail address, and we wrote him an e-mail and what happens to us? He doesn't at all reply.

See i don't understand how the so called champions of the awareness of transexuals can accuse society of sidelining them, and discriminating against them, when really they aren't open and act so defensive when there is someone who would like to include themselves onto the so called cause.

But yes, we're gonna barge into the home office when we find it and hope that we can get an interview at the least.
That would be wishing us good luck

Apart from that HAPPY DEEPAVALI and HAPPY RAYA to everyone out there, celebrating himself.

Home for the hols :)

26 October 2005


Yayyy I'm p-o-p-u-l-a-r!! *swish swish*~ pom poms in the air!

Me da shit...woohooo!

he he.. the rainy weather today left puddles in which frogs left their eggs..they're hatching now into inconsequential lil tadpoles that swim in the ocean that will soon be dried out. Much like plants grow in sunlight, some puddles dry up faster under this light, whilst others wait for more rain to come.

And let there be light (esp in the spirit of deepavali).. or rather sunlight.. die tadpoles dieee! (HA HA HA HA) cz thr is none to say sorry, and none to remove no postings.. ur 15 seconds of fame is done with.. thanks so much for lingering on and on, but like a guest who stays long after the coffee has turned cold or like the toilet that stinks n needs to be flushed clean (off wt i think we all knw~for those who don't, ponder on..) or like chewing gum chewed on for too long that needs to be spit-ted out.. we shall change the issue....


this troubles me.. now i wonder if i'm gonna get 7 blog comments.. sigh.. back to the days when Shida n DD were my only true commentators.. gosh i feel like i'm goin through a break up.. bye u ppl who hate me... i did enjoy ur company...tatas!


I had Sri Lankan food at Kelana Jaya.. friggin spicy.. left my tummy burnin.. bt u knw i tihnk i can survive Sri Lanka pretty well.. sigh.. i wanna learn how they make their brinjals.. yuMMy!!

Wt else.. Arun has a crush on DD i think.. we went to Pink today and i sed bye to him.. got no response.. DD said bye to him.. he sed "BYEEEE".. either that or he's jealous abt u knw who.. ha ha..

Shida i wan ur turqoise pen.. i went to have a look in the bookstore.. they dn have.. i waaaannn!

thts it la.. shall go back to deco-n my room.. it's nice now.. I'm creative I've been told ;)

25 October 2005

Off Fights 3

The more u write in here, the more responses u will get from me on my blog. I've allready given u the option on e-mailing me.

If u think ur threatening me, in reply to that i have one thing to say, bring it on.

frankly, freedom of speech is for everyone. And if u think i do not knw that u've told JZ what i told u, there is a reason i haven't mentioned it to u until now.
It's called freedom of speech. And mebbe also i dn give a shit :)

And as for me removing my blogs.. ha ha it's called blog entries deary, no i won't.
Like i sed, do wt u want to do abt it.
And there's another one, called Soundari that also makes a reference to u n ur ways.
So really there are three entries dedicated to u, aren't u just too pleased?

And ur not here to make enemies.. then how come u have so many.. ?

Ai i'm just wasting time wit u.. i shan't do ne more of that. I have exams, so do please wish me some luck.

23 October 2005


Ms Zadia, if it is u that is wrote me a reply..

ganging up, alliances, two sides to every story... no alliances, no ganging up (as i have been told there was only one or two main characters involved in the story).. well either ways.. i suppose it's probably an adept description of what u felt.. how can u say there are two sides to every story when one side decided to be silent or rather not present to explain.. can u blame me for having a one sided outlook when u didn evn bother to explain urself to ne one here?

not that u should have to explain urself to a whole gang of ppl.. bt when u din, can u still expect us to be balanced?

i picked on u? really? he he sorry, i wasn't aware.

and in reference to the music.. did u ever wonder whether it was more thn the music to the whole issue? How abt frens inside the room when the 'other' person was sleeping.. sorry i dont remember how late it was until.. how abt being on the phone till god knws when, with who ever at odd times of the night.. ever wonder if the 'other' person found u noisy? yea she din tell u.. bt ha ha heard of sumthin called courtesy? n in our lil talk i think i did mention it, yes??

and ur tellin me the point of living together is to meet ppl n get along with them- this after i've been out for close to three years with nt a fight to my credit? Gee thanks, i really did not knw why we live together, always thought it was to gang up on new girls n well make our mundane lives more interesting..

and abt her playin loud music, i do hear her music on this side of the room.. more now that ur gone, and i happen to like it, so no i dn think i wld 'dare' to ask her to put the volume down.. cz i enjoy it, thank u very much.

shut ur eyes and look around u means these things~ (since u asked)~

1. be considerate to the ppl arnd u. i'm nt sayin ur evil, i'm sayin ur selfish.. and dont mistake me again, thts nt a bad thing, i am that too. Just maybe before u point ur fingers at other ppl, n the world arnd u, look at wt u've done wrong as well. That goes for me, for u, for ur roomate..who ever.

2. be nice- to those who do care abt u. Leaving 'her' outside ur room, asking for how ever long she did to be let inside the room (so much so, let me tell u that even the gaurd of the hotel without us tellin him ne thing commented u needed a good spanking cz u were spoilt- hey he sed it not me-). really, it's btw ur her n urself- bt yes, since u asked it includes this too.

3. the world doesn't revolve arnd u, u are nt the center. Learn how to take criticism wit grace, sometimes, everything a person says abt u isn't bad, neither is it meant to hurt u, it's meant to be constructive. If it does, it shows ppl the other person included how unsure of urself u are.

Thanks for leaving a comment here, bt i'd rather nt prefer to air dirty laundry in the public domain. if u are ok wit this, do comment back here, if u are nt, send me an e-mail. i believe u have my address. If u have nthin to say for urself (a.k.a. running away) then that's fine too. which by the way is the reason i dun have ur name here, and its strange u comment on urself, or on her behalf- who ever this is, n yet u urself do not dare leave ur name in here. be proud of wt u believe, and stand up to the decision u made.

Lastly, u disgust me.

and no i dn know it all :)

21 October 2005

Evergreens Don't turn Brown

sitting on the side seats of the bus she stares out and wonders how and why.. where n wt.. when did the lines so clear before fade so fast and furiously, with the tethers of the passion- they merged in what became a tell tale song of guilt.. tears come down the cheeks imprinted allready by the lips of two .

what good does salted water do when one tear only just covers a drop of water from the ocean of guilt..
nthin can turn the hands of time towards the moment when hesitation may have saved them both the pain and wretched hurt they will find..

bt now looking out the dirty city roads, peppered with stalls open for the night, selling wooden black and white painted zebras, she knows, that the mess of the slurred leaves a slurry mess of goo and mud, that draws one inwards.

Perhaps she concludes, ignorace is bliss... for even the ocean dries up when there there isn't ne one to remember it by.

19 October 2005


Memory as entrapment.. memory as a static force that stagnates the person remembering.. memory as something that we remember as we wld like for it to be, not as it is or rather as was.. memory as being decietful and untrue to the real

what is memory? it idealises- the people who we love or loved and how they used to be, or how it used to be wit them

what is memory? it protects- ourselves from the harm that we did to those same ppl that we now remember as doin harm to us

what is memory? it remembers- we learn frm remembering, maybe what we eventually imagine is what we learn frm (as opposed to learning frm what really happened) but learning we do none the less.

If u n i were put in a white wall surrounding us, it coming in n closing on us, it isn't entrapment- why?
because entrapment is that which makes us satisfied, and leaves us to rot in the stagnant state of unhealty movement, or lack there of.. the walls closing in, makes u wanna jump at them and break them down into tiny morsels of what used to be a sturdy brick wall.. how could that be, except perhaps in the literal sense..

If all this is gibberish, then why don't u let urself go?

16 October 2005

Imortalidade impossível

Like slime on the sides of drains, u stick to me, u bother me n u piss the shit outta me with the things u do and say. Bt then and u say sorry to which i say ok.. n let u stick to me, nt wash u off bt let u stay and watch n wait for the day when i can say i let u do all this to me because truly i do care for all that u do because really it's just like u to do the things u do n ne less will only just dissapoint me. :)

Brief wind on a sunny day hot sweltering heat that makes my ears throb ice cube down a hot back running and melting with the heat of sweaty skin i play with words make sentences u play with words make sense bt for the lack of origin imma gonna say i'd be lost in an anomie of relations friends passerbys n spitball ex's there's no one of u theres three of us we phase in n phase out of eachother like overlappin set circles in math nt concentrated love like light through a microscope would make fire on a dead leaf bt free flowing random atoms of the brownian motion we collide into and into eachother nt fr the fear of moving on bt fr the proximity of the direction that we are being pulled into like in a vacuumn never ending love- what is that?
it is the feelin i get when travellin roads we visited before.. the long road home to cheras frm bangsar never felt good, bt wt u gone it feels like a piece of bliss cut out frm the big pie of memory we baked for ten, 11 odd years
empty nite outs filled wit meaning thoughts that fermented being let out to form beautiful alcoholic ecstacy we get high talkin n exchanging realizing for the first time we are so different when we really grew together and this i remember everytime i eat out in the joints we haunted n remember now like drunken nite outs
glutony n excess in the love i hold for the two of u.. i commit my sins with the pleasure of the wanton woman inviting her nightly visitors over the gloomy shadow figures cast out by the wet red light...missing u more thn the thirsty traveller stranded on a piece of wood in the salty ocean bt lesser than one holding his bladder on a long drive along the polluted high way.. so see i do love u guys, just have trouble every now n then expressing myself...


Imortalidade impossível

Twi-Zone Sunday

I want music right now.. the one running through my head is the one that Diyana drums out...do do do do.. the one that's essentially C 103's version of music that ought to accompany 'twilight zone'- what the 'twilight zone' means to me

1. the engineering lab
2. waking up on sunday to wonder where the hell saturday went..

had a twi-zone moment..got up today..went over to the comp, saw msg frm nik.. 'am here studyin'.. called.. n he goes.. bt 'wait i was there, but yesterday'.. i remember sleepin a lot.. a lot lot lot.. thn woke up to help cook, ate.. went back to sleep a lot lot lot.. n i realized taht that's where saturday went.. that was my yesterday! Gee i'd think i'm slowly sinking into slob-ness bt i think as evn thinking of the upcoming weeks freaks the shit outta me.. it's allrite.. my way of wishin n hopin tht to sleep through it is to ignore it until it goes away.. bt then again, since when did that concept work when it comes to exams?

09 October 2005

Overhauled Passenger of the Ferry Boat of Doubt

how can it be that u n i can be friends for so long and it's still misunderstood?

see she doesn't knw that i was the monitor and u were the ass who made too much noise

she doesn't knw that we played x-men games

she doesn't knw that whilst we never were best of friends we were always just friends

in her ignorance she's going to misjudge

and her misjudgement is going to make u unhappy

so i'm making u unhappy all of a sudden huh?

see i wdn want that, so imma gonna say u take care :)

05 October 2005

Mistress of the Ocean

The sea is lit by moonlight.. the waves lap gently along the shore and within themselves the waves meet eachother rising up to a swell... a swell of emotions, they rise, they fall.. only to meet else with other laps, travelling far n wide.. they swell, they rise and they fall...

It's not the glistening of sunlight, it's the pale moonshadow lit by the subtlest light.. like yellow light on pearls in the middle of the night.... they lay on the dark shore line.. they lay.

Two girls, side by side, faces facing eachother. Both harmonising with the night, one paling within the moon shadow, the other reflecting the pale light. Both ragged, with eyes closed, their mouths so close to one another, they seem to be breathing each others breath. In a night of contrasts, one inhaled the others exhalations.


It wasn't that she didn't love her. It wasn't that she didn't need her. It was just that she needed him more, loved him better. How? How can she understand this dark desire to be near him, it is dark.. for he is loved by another.


Mornings come as they go, nights come pass by unoticed, time stops bt for a few seconds, and in those few seconds he thinks of the sweaty nights of love's labour lost to guilt.

Her thoughts were never known. Her feelings were untouched by the sympathy of another's ear. She lies, blending into the night, with her brutus. She is the mistress of the ocean. As the days secrets are told to the shore line by the waves in silent whispers.. she will whisper out the silent pain of the knife on her back to no one who will understand her.
And as the vast ocean drags her body in, leavin that of moonlight on the beach for the birds to catch, she is enveloped, the mistress of the ocean, as she embodies what the ocean knows that the rocks on the side of the shore line do not.

Symbolic Proverb A


and that's all i have to say for today.


04 October 2005

Pasar Day

Just came back frm the pasar malam.. it's strange how after just three visits to the pasar, we know how much veggie one dollar is meant to purchase... i think me n DD n Farah have something to be proud off.. i bought santan!!! I'm gonna make coconut milk everything.. ha ha

and spent the past couple of days looking for this pink flower and it's name.. cdn find it.. bt i remember this convo wit a fren abt a mth ago.. a point was made.. and i think it was proven a while ago huh.... i think i'm talkin in circles.. so i shall shut up

made an ass out of myself today.. woke up late for a meeting that is a whole week away.. felt rather silly fr doin so.. cz i rushed to class and saw no one there.. malu la.. bt nvm.. ppl make mistakes rite.. ha ha

n yea that was my day n guess wt.. the roller coaster is goin up up up... :)

Off Fights

i'm in a big bubble..

and there was a threat to burst that bubble.. the household finally went crazy on the new chick.. and well.. i think we were all justified.. and basically there were some emotional outbursts in the house.. shouting.. wt her frens term as harassment.. well so we harassed her.. (although i do not think we did~if attempting to talk out problems is considered harassing though, i suppose we did).. i say we when really, i mean them.. because ha ha i slept through the whole thing.. i am proud of myself and my body's survival instinct... i really am.. :)

Bt for wt it's worth.. glad we kindda stuck it out together y'll.. cz i mean.. she really needed a lil slap on the face n i'm glad none of us went there.. and new girl if ur reading it.. really stop self pitying urself.. cz i think wt dd sed made a whole lot of sense.. shut ur eyes and jes look arnd u and u'll see there are many things that u shd be thankful for that ur nt.. understandable that music cn give ppl headaches, bt nt at volumes that are hardly -hearable- and u knw wt.. running away frm ur probs is good.. bt ur running away frm urself because u are the site of the problems.. faham?

BAck to bubble lannd... weeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!