31 March 2005


OOOoweeee.... ha ha ha ha

Well... after a rather stressfull vacation- in brief... wonderful pangkor, amazing sunset seen as that was when we reached the location, entered the sea the first time in my life, confident with my paltry back strokes, stroked my way into an area of the sea where the sea bottom was more than 5 feet below... till Sujan , Bhav and Jane rescued me at various intervals... atleast i knw that i can sorta swim albeit swim my way into trouble in the ocean~

I never knew that sea water was as salty as that... i seriously didn't knw having never actually been completely in sea water... started drizzling and i understood why all those sailors died of thirst.. anyways...following a dinner and various attempts to open the DAMNED WINE AND CHARDONNAY (which by the way looked abs fantastic in a wonderfully GRRRRREEEEEENNNNN bottle)... and finally getting the bottles open and settling in on the beach... Fellow aussie exchange student...Daniel comes along to tell us that there had been tremors in Kl and that it was recommended that we move away from the beach into our lodging..which was about 30 metres from the beach.

And so we went...after ofcourse confirming the news with various contacts on the mainland..lol... and well once we got there...in a series of half an hours found out that the after shock of the 26th December "earthquake" which was 8.6 on the Richter, was 8.2 (a right-side damage inducing earthquake in its own right). Mad scrambling panic for Jane... and well... i just enjoyed the alcohol that we had tried sooo very hard to open.

Excerpt from tsun's blog, it is best explained by her...she called at the appropriate moment.

Anyhow after calling u guys (on what was my last few dollars of credit).. and finding out all was normal - Sabi high, and Jane panicking.. I realised there really wasn't anything to worry about.. that, and the fact that jolly Sabi told me several times not to worry.. hahaha.. u silly cow.. can u even remember what u said?

"Everything is fine here.. Don't worry, we're in good hands.. I'm high! Don't worry ok? This is the best holiday ever! Jane is packing everything for me.. I'm just gonna carry my bottle of Chardonnay! Don't worry! We'll call or msg you when we can ok? Hee hee hee!"

Naturally I start laughing... I'm still laughing when i'm passed back to Jane..

"What are you laughing at? It's not funny! *pant pant* No I'm not high! I'm the only not high one of the lot *pant pant*.. Packing everything now.. They're moving us to higher ground *pant pant* Ok I can't talk.. not doing good with battery.. *pant pant* *more sounds of clothes stuffing in the background* Bye!"

Ah my girls.. nvr fail to amuse me..

So then after hiking for abt half an hour, getting to what we thought was the highest ground on the island, we camped out there in the clearing between the jungle and the road and fell asleep, on stones and dead leaves... i was bloody tired ok.. to wake up and then get back to the jetty and essentially get the hell out of there. It was unjustified, our actions as pangkor and the whole of malaysia and even the countries that were affected in the parent earthquake were fine...but never mind...

so now, i've decided to buy a daisy plant. I saw one...that's really pretty...been on a couple of websites to find out if they would grow indoors...more specifically in my room..and they do as the site describes them... "Daisies are an easy to grow perennial that brightens the flower garden and is great for indoor vases and arrangements. While there are dozens of varieties, the most popular are the Shasta Daisy (shown above) and African Daisies. Daisies are among the most popular of flowers of both gardeners. And they are perfect for beginning gardeners and those whose thumb is not too green!

We consider these flowers among the best for kids and beginners."


So I am glad indeed! WOnder if i sound neurotic at this point or perhaps just point blank weird... but u knw wt...just because i dun fit the stereotypical single oldie who gardens because she would like to talk to someone and plants are good listeners... doesn't mean i can't buy a plant if i so wish... hence i am...sunway pyramid- GIANT....u better not be selling that damned pot to no one else!!

29 March 2005


Apparently one can buy landsites from the moon. How cool is that, and according to an article in asian age, it's as cheap as Rs.1500 per acre. The website that one could use to buy the land is called: http://www.lunarrepublic.com
We can be citizens, of Luna which gives us the following rights as citizens of
Luna- Participation in elections to determine the future of Luna
Two-year subscription to THE LUNAR JOURNAL, the official newsmagazine of the Lunar Republic Society
Participation in the international effort toward the privatised exploration of the Moon
Discounts on property purchases from The Lunar Registry
Acess to members-only sections of LunarRepublic.com
Invitations to future members-only events

All at only $16.00 (US$) fee per applicant for your two-year membership

24 March 2005

Letter to Bedroom Eyes

Jane just got up frm her bed, to write and i just opened this page.
Today was fun! Assignment number 1 passed up on time! Good start to a good year right. Jane's allready done...takes me a looong ass time to actually write ne thing...looks like we goin to pangkor afterall...made a promise to someone that i wouldn't go there without them...i'm sorry i will have to break it...for what its worth, it's been a year... is it safe to say my promises come with a due date of a year... and i mean it when i say sorry. and i mean it when i say tht it can't be helped.

But/so apart frm that...today i also rediscovered something. That sometimes u never forget, never ever forget the way it felt the first time. I hold u close to my heart, and i hope that u will get to read this someday, when we are the way we used to be. This goes out to u,i'll tell u when it is time who u are.

Ur never out of my life. I don't understand why. I dunno what to do to get u out. I can say that perhaps it's never gonna come as close as it did last time, to havin something that i wanted so bad to happen. I will never understand why i did it, bedroom eyes, and yes to be honest there were many a time that i thought i was an idiot. To push away something that i wanted so much. But maybe that's the fascination, maybe i was scared of getting into something that i value so much. That's when i'm glad it didn't happen. Come what come may, time and hour runs through the roughest day right. If it's meant to be then it is meant to be. There's nothing you nor i can do about ne thing. That makes me happier, solely because it's fantastic that i'm not involved in it...tendency to screw up runs high.
And no matter which way the boat rocks, know this, ur are precious. To me. I may never be able to call u mine, especially whn i dun believe i've ever made u feel that way about me. But somehow, a part of me is allready urs. U never asked for it, but it was given up to u sooo long ago that it's almost a part of u. And that's all i have to say to you. I'll love you forever, and I mite come to hate u sometime, get pissed at u most of the time, but i'll always love you. After all this time, i still do, so i knw that it's prb going to be with me for as long as that.

My Boo Feat. Alicia Keys
by Usher

There’s always that one person that will always have your
You never see it coming cause you’re blinded from the start
Know that you’re that one for me it’s clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby (you will always be my boo)

(Alicia Keys Rap)
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and uh
It’s the only way we know how to rock
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and uh
It’s the only way we know how to rock

(Usher verse)
Do you remember girl I was the one that gave you your first kiss
Cause I remember girl I was the one who said put your lips like this
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
Girl I was there and you were my baby

(Chorus Usher)
It started when we were younger you were mine (my boo)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes (my boo)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo

(Chorus Alicia Keys)
I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine (my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like (my boo) (that's my baby)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide (my boo) (i can't hide it)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life
You will always be my boo

(Alicia Keys)
Yes I remember boy cause after we kissed
I can only think about you’re lips
Yes I remember boy the moment I knew
You were the one I could spend my life with
Even before all the fame and people screamin your name
I was there and you were my baby

(Chorus Usher)
It started when we were younger you were mine (my boo) (you were mine)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes (my boo) (yes it is)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo) (it's all right, it's ok)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo

(Chorus Alicia Keys)
I was in love with you when we were younger you were mine (you were my boo) (my boo)
When I see you from time to time I still feel like (my boo)
You can see it no matter how I try to hide (my boo)(it's all right now, it's ok)
And even though there’s another man who’s in my life (what we have is in each other)
You will always be my boo

(Hook Usher & Alicia Keys)
My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo
My oh my oh my oh my oh my boo

(Chorus Usher)
It started when we were younger you were mine (you were mine)(my boo)
Now another brother's taken over but it’s still in you’re eyes (my boo)(you and i)
Even though we use to argue it’s all right (my boo)(it's all right, it's ok)
I know we haven’t seen each other in a while
But you will always be my boo

(Alicia Keys Rap)
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and uh
It’s the only way we know how to rock
I don’t know about y’all but I know about us and uh

22 March 2005

If u want to go, please come back

Carcasses... ugh... i'm gettin so sick of the negativity potrayed on the page... that i thought i should brighten it up with some GREEEEEN! But alas... it doesn't work that way coz the first word that i could think of writing in here was CARCASSES... for the record..that's what i think we all are...carcasses of what we were... because at sometime all that we believe in is eroded... one by one as we 'grow up'... Roland Barthes "urban myths" are each unfolded, to make us into the adults that we have always dreamed of being. Soon enuff, there's a part of me that's gonna leave, she suggests that perhaps she will never come again... and there isnt ne thing in this world that i can do to make her stay... because as the counsellor at Monash says, "You can't ever make someone do what they don't want to do."
Everything is within... everything that a person is is what they either consciously or sub-consciously desire...

I met u when i was so young... u were to me what i needed at that point...
I do remember us fighting many times...we weren't so unnatural as to not do so
I do remember we apologized many times over... but that was natural
I never thought that there was anything that you could do that i cudn forgive u for
And to this day i knw that that is true..
But now that u want to leave i cannot make u stay
and now that u want to forget everything that happened i cannot make u stay
and now that u say that u've lost trust in everything that we've had i cannot make u stay
there is only one sentence that i would like to say to you
please stay....
But i knw that u will not listen
and i knw that u will not care in a few months to come
and i knw that u dun completely believe this when i tell u this
because u say u've lost the essence of the trust in 'us'
and i knw that u dun want to re-build what was broken
and i knw that u dun want to stay long enough for that to happen
to knw all this bimbs, is to knw too much
i want u stay and that's all i want
u want to go, but please come back
u want to forget but please remember.


I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow.

And I watered it in fears
Night and morning with my tears,
And I sunned it with smiles
And with soft deceitful wiles.

And it grew both day and night,
Till it bore an apple bright,
And my foe beheld it shine,
And he knew that it was mine -

And into my garden stole
When the night had veiled the pole;
In the morning, glad, I see
My foe outstretched beneath the tree.

- William Blake

20 March 2005

Deconstructing the Love of My Life

How could an angel break my heart?
Why didn't he catch my falling star.
I wish i wish i didnt wish so hard.
-Tony Braxton

Maybe i 'should' wish my love apart.

I need to ask, do angels exist? I knw that whatever the answer mite be, i could never believe that. To remember, when it was the first time i fell in love- I hate to get into history, it does make me sound sooo old, but i have lived so i do have stories to tell...
I couldn't believe that this was the person, the one person in the world that was made for me.

God, life or the 'whatever' force had shaped him to fit the empty spaces that life's craters had flung into the person i had become. Much like the copulation...lol...process... he was made size to fit. I was his. HE WAS MINE.

And that was never ever goin to change. We may or may not last, he may or may not be an angel, may or may not hurt me but we will always be 'we'... at some level; to take the linear road of time and to put a bracket around the days that we spent together...why should what happens after change anything at all? Were we not in love when we loved eachother that was supposed to magically cease but for the technicality of a 'break up?' Should that end everything?

I miss your face, i miss your kiss.... baby face, lonliness. (These collection of songs do not belong to me)

You miss what u can't get, can't have the one thing that u din see was standing right in front of you. But the thing is that chances are that if it was right there in frnt of u and u din see it, u din need it at that point of time. And u/i mite even be confusing 'cherishing' something for 'missing something.' Like 'caring' for something, to 'loving' something. But for the technicality of words life would be so much simpler. But for the need to express oneself, to constantly question oneself every corner, to 'know what ur doin', to 'know urself.' WHy do we need to knw ne thing at all?
And do i need an answer to that question- i dun think so.

And to analyze the earlier question,

how could an angel break my heart? There might be angels but they don't last forever, u only see what u want to see. Forever is a word relative to the time frame that u want to see an angel.


How could u fall in love with *her*?
How could u give ur heart to *her*?
Thought we'd grow old as lovers together till the end.
How could you fall...fall in love with *her*?

*Babyface- With Him*

15 March 2005

Fish in the Net

I feel claustrophobic. I have this urge not to see anyone at this moment. I wanna hide, retreat to my shell. It's a problem when u have ur privacy infringed upon by random jackasses who think they knw u...and it's a problem when u let them jackasses think they knw u. It's like weaving a web that u eventually get stuck in and blaming the spider for constructing it....u are the same spider...one that's stupid enuff to get caught in ur own web....

A penny for ur thoughts miss.
For all the pennies that u give me sir, u might as well write me a check coz my mind is going haywire and crazy because i do not knw where or what i am heading for. My thoughts are fragmented, i cannot write a single coherent sentence...

Under the Bridge

Sometimes I feel
Like I don't have a partner
Sometimes I feel
Like my only friend
Is the city I live in
The city of angels
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I drive on her streets
'Cause she's my companion
I walk through her hills
'Cause she knows who I am
She sees my good deeds
And she kisses me windy
I never worry
Now that is a lie

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all the way

It's hard to believe
That there's nobody out there
It's hard to believe
That I'm all alone
At least I have her love
The city she loves me
Lonely as I am
Together we cry

I don't ever want to feel
Like I did that day
Take me to the place I love
Take me all that way

Under the bridge downtown
Is where I drew some blood
Under the bridge downtown
I could not get enough
Under the bridge downtown
Forgot about my love
Under the bridge downtown
I gave my life away


13 March 2005

U say the right things, but hey do u mean it....

"and hey..i REALLY missed you alot, but thats for me to know, and for you to never find out..."

But i'm too busy to mail u........

If life is supposed to be bitter sweet...

"You are the most amazing person, the nicest and the sweetest...but i can't be in this."

"You knw what the hard part of recognizing the truth? - Knowing that something just bit you on the ass."

Tom Clancy

John Milton: Paradise Lost

To do ought good never will be our task,
But ever to do ill our sole delight, [ 160 ]
As being the contrary to his high will
Whom we resist. If then his Providence
Out of our evil seek to bring forth good,
Our labour must be to pervert that end,
And out of good still to find means of evil; [ 165 ]



Whoah....intimidation is something that's very very worrisome... just taken a blog tour..shanil i just thought i should write this in here before i forget... ur prb the only one of us living it right now man.. living the way life is meant to be lived...hats off to u...


but ofourse u won't knw this till i give u my address..and well that depends on when i can actually remember my address...should be soon enuff..
Argh- i feel so low right now.

Memories are sticky, heavy and refuse to leave. The overcrowd your mind, refuse to let u think with that thread of rationality, normalcy. Sometimes they weigh u down, keep u there, so much so that u fear not being able to get up.

I wanna cry now, so bad but i knw i shouldn't. Tears comes easy to those who give up easy right? That's what they say right... well i do give up! And when i say i give up, i give up on 'making sense'... it is my fitfull conclusion that coherence exists only to those who choose to delude themselves... in reality nothing make sense because we lay boundaries in our mind that define the black frm the white, the right frm the wrong and yet we cross them all the time. We pull these boundaries all the time, bend them and break

them and at the end of the day in definition we loose ouselves to such an extent that we no longer remember what we're defining or the purpose of those definitions.

We are
D r i f t e r s
in our individuality, alone and lost in this world of
people. With
identities, and perceptiveness that when it comes down to it no one understands the other past point 0. Our
perception is myopic, thick fog covers everything... we can't see past our nose...I CAN'T SEE PAST MY NOSE....

so why bother communicating, understanding participating in this game called life...we are hamsters in cages running on our wheels...every now and then someone tosses a couple of hurdles...and i refuse to jump past this hurdle... i quit and i give up so well, bloody hell