And the sun filtered through the tree tops, streaking the ground with shade. And the warm wind blew on my face, my hair into gentle curly ruffles. Your Mediterranean surroundings, in the middle of nowhere right in our city. And the garden shed, with all your vehicles surrounded by white pebbles. You brought me to the middle of Mormon land.
With tangerine trees dotting the landscape, over looked by a mountain of fir trees. The beige carpet of dead grass and rotten orange fruit. And green roses caving the rattan swing on the porch, your dogs circling the area, their tongues wagging. The heat in the air, the bright sun and here in the dark I look out and find that there is much beauty in a world like this. I do not care to judge myself or you for what we have become. I only know that what is wrong may some times be right, when a heart or two needs a mend.
I know that you or this place that I embrace with extreme love may turn into a prism of light fading into the sunset. But while I sip on…
I lost you and I lost memories of you. I kept so much of you so close to me for so long. I am scared and I am lost. But I am relieved, finally I can forget. Not that you can hurt me. But you hurt her. Ripped from me, the only thing that ever belonged to me. The sky does not fall, but the ground holds me. And yes, this world is tilted but I am cockeyed. The water drowns me, but I swim. My heart breaks, but I live. And in living alone, I know I can be what I was when you were not next to me. While she is lost forever, the poignant song of her death with my survival is sung every sunrise that I see. I am where you will never find me.
She talks in circles, and all day she stares out the window trying to remember. She sometimes put her mouth around the vertical iron bars, I can see her enjoying the taste of iron in her mouth. There is a film of dust around her lips when she pulls her mouth away, n she wipes it with the end of her gown with grace that shows she's royalty fallen in a very hard way.
Sometimes I catch her talking to herself, scolding herself in hurried, urgent whispers.
" What's the hurry, Sunshine?" I lull her into talking. But as soon as she notices any presence of another she recedes deep into her shell. She quietens, and her face darkens. She refuses to look me in the eye. She stares into the blue, a glazed look. Her hair an untangled mangly company of brown and increasingly white hair. We assume that this woman in her late thirties. And we call her Sunshine, because we are thought positive enforcement may result in positive reactions and interactions. She doesn't have a number o…
When Fanny came she cried. And she would not stop crying. There were moments when she was the baby she was meant to be, other times she screamed and screeched all day and night. We were lucky to get two hours of silence in a day. And you still ignored her, and me. I bleed, and she cries. I cry but she does not bleed. She suckles and she bites. Anxious, angry, turbulent and calm passes in under two minutes. I thought, I kept thinking amidst the clamour and the riot.
Bruised and purple. I bundle her up. I can hear you in the other room, with your woman for Monday. I take some chocolate bars, no money and a picture of you. Don't think I don't care for you. You may never have, but I did. I do this for her. I lost me, when I submited myself that evening, so long ago to your care. I will not loose her too. So I bundle her up, and start walking.
I am numb again. In my head, I see mental pictures of your face. In anger, striking out at Monday girl. Or will you only notice me gone when y…