30 November 2005


27 November 2005

And oscar wilde wrote picture of dorian gray

i love me

no seriously, i've decided i'm very very self conceited can't say i'm nt happy abt being so self involved.. to be honest at this point i don't even knw wt is making me say all these things about my self..


anyways.. went out last night.. happy birthday abdullah again.. and well for the first time actually fell asleep in the club.. can't say that that has ever happened to me before.. and yea.. decided that perhaps at the same time perhaps i'm getting too old to do this lets get wasted nonsense.. no really.. altho i wanna take my words back, because i knw that there will be many more special occasions for which i will be required to do what i just dissed..

bt yea for the record.. I"M IN LOVE!!!!! (And yes, I wrote it here, before I told you...to continue, yes, CLICK)

avec moi!

su su..

26 November 2005


She wanted the silent heraldry

Of the purple beach by the noble wall.

He wanted Cabala the ghetto demon

With its polythene bag full of ashes.

- ted hughes
folk tale


Your poems are like a dark city centre.
Your novel, your stories, your journals, your letters, are suburbs
Of this big city.
The hotels are lit like office blocks all night
With scholars, priests, pilgrims.
It's at night

Sometimes I drive through.
I just find
Myself driving through, going slow, simply
Roaming in my own darkness, pondering
What you did.
Nearly alwaysI glimpse you - at some crossing,
Staring upwards, lost, sixty year old....

-ted hughes
birthday letters


The prince leans to the girl in scarlet heels,
Her green eyes slant, hair flaring in a fan
Of silver as the rondo slows; now reels
Begin on tilted violins to span

The whole revolving tall glass palace hall
Where guests slide gliding into light like wine;
Rose candles flicker on the lilac wall
Reflecting in a million flagons' shine,

And glided couples all in whirling trance
Follow holiday revel begun long since,
Until near twelve the strange girl all at once
Guilt-stricken halts, pales, clings to the prince

As amid the hectic music and cocktail talk
She hears the caustic ticking of the clock.

- Sylvia Plath


Assia Wevill



Little Fly,
Thy summer's play
My thoughtless hand
Has brushed away.

Am not IA fly like thee?
Or art not thou
A man like me?

For I dance
And drink and sing,
Till some blind hand
Shall brush my wing.

If thought is life
And strength and breath,
And the want
Of thought is death,

Then am I
A happy fly,
If I live
Or if I die.

- Blake

24 November 2005

when days are measured by movies

One job application down.. with one reply n request for a Cv.. which is appt diff to a resume...

two main reasons they are different is 1) because a resume is usually meant to be one page long, short and concisel; u don't get to write mini stories in a CV bt they do get to be as looong as u want them to be, n u can write all u want abt ur achievements, frm scholaship offers that u mite have gotten to wt not..

now that that's over with.. the formatting for it is the same, and with the subtitles n what not.. ok this has gotten boring.. so a run down of the past week..

wed: Emily Rose with DD

thu: Harry Potter with Nik

fri nite- Q bar with the booty campers, outside with a couple of beers

Sat nitse- the airport n then Q bar again.. inside with schizophernic music; one side has techno the other side has rap-pop music, stole a shot glass for amusement, n then watched robo man in action..

sun- true fitness n souled out n orange- woohooo to the flower.. that i seem to have lost again!

mon- movie nite movie nite- Zorro- be prepared for Son of Zorro (high annoying and pain in the ass kid who keeps getting into trouble and really shud be disciplined!)

tue- times square and the raaaiiideess.. wohooooo!!!!! amazingly chilly and amazingly pleasantly nice n the kids section is a cross btw john whyndam's day of the triffids sci fi depiction and well, charlie and the choco factory colours..

wed- Slob's day in.. the electricity went out at 4 in the morn.. din come back till abt 6 in the evening (when farah, after observing the fellas put the cables in for a while cz she was sooo bored and interested at the same time- detailed pics of the excavation will be on her blog soon- www.ownspace/me@blogspot.com) bt for me, i just slept most of the day, got up tried to make plans.. watch the attempt flush itself down the drain.. then made plans to watch a movie at nite, that failed because of shitty cramps.. came back, watched beauty and the beast (yes i am obsessed, fell asleep and got up today.. prlly go back to sleep in a bit)

22 November 2005

The Clod and the Pebble

"Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a heaven in hell's despair.

"So sung a little Clod of Clay,

Trodden with the cattle's feet,

But a Pebble of the brook

Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,

To bind another to its delight,

Joys in another's loss of ease,

And builds a hell in heaven's despite"

William Blake

21 November 2005

Ur Poem

Sometimes you just feel like getting away from it all - to some pure, solitary mountain top where you can wander, free as a bird... but if you're stuck behind a desktop instead, take some solace in this.
The sound of the sea
THE sea awoke at midnight from its sleep,
And round the pebbly beaches far and wide
I heard the first wave of the rising tide
Rush onward with uninterrupted sweep;
A voice out of the silence of the deep,
A sound mysteriously multiplied
As of a cataract from the mountain's side,
Or roar of winds upon a wooded steep.
So comes to us at times, from the unknownAnd inaccessible solitudes of being,
The rushing of the sea-tides of the soul;
And inspirations, that we deem our own,
Are some divine foreshadowing and foreseeing
Of things beyond our reason or control.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807 - 1882)

What is mine alone

there seems to be some ambiguity....

If this constitutes a religion, then why not say it is one. But if it is half of one, made full by my thoughts n opinions on the subject, then what do i label it? I label it PRIVATE.

The five precepts are:
To refrain from harming living creatures (killing).
To refrain from taking that which is not freely given (stealing).
To refrain from sexual misconduct
To refrain from incorrect speech (lying, harsh language, slander, idle chit-chat).
To refrain from intoxicants which lead to loss of mindfulness.

Whatever is impermanent is subject to change. Whatever is subject to change is subject to suffering

Buddhism has the characteristics of what would be expected in a cosmic religion for the future: It transcends a personal God, avoids dogmas and theology; it covers both the natural and the spiritual, and it is based on a religious sense aspiring from the experience of all things, natural and spiritual, as a meaningful unity.

Albert Einstein

1. Freedom to choose and decide and negotiate

2. No, in my interpretation I do not believe in worshipping anything human or so called ethereal material.

3. A way of life. Nothing to prove nor anything to loose. It's me and my beliefs. Hasn't got anything to do with any institutionalized structures or anything past what i think in my mind. That's it.

15 November 2005


Went on a solo trip to kl today.. visited central market (gosh they do have very pretty masks that are sooo friggin buyable) and petaling street.. hunting for that shop where i got this tiny kuan yin minarate abt a year ago.. cdn find it.. because the place where the shop used to be has now turned into a clothes store.. walked arnd kota raya, the mariyaman temple, visited kedai buku POPULAR; 'the most popular english book store in the whole of CHINA TOWN'- as far as tooting slogans go, this out to be a winner, wanted to pass by metrojaya as well, bt it looked like it was gonna rain so decided to head home

it was fun. on my own, after so long i realized i think i missed the company of myself. getting lost, walking into stores n walking out a min later with nothing to amuse me, nt having to wait for someone else's amusement with some obscure thing within the store to run out before being able to leave. Din evn have time to hunt out the flower shops so that i cld buy some back. i decided that if petaling street were to become a flavor of ice cream or lollypop- there are two main competing flavors i think-
roasted chesnuts
and salty sweat
especially with the blue overhead plastic ceilings, i cannot help bt feel like i'm in some green house- oooh reminds me saw some very pretty bonzai trees as well. So when i came home, i was happy abt being so aimless. Am i that bored? Not really, i think i have the time to waste time now. And where else to spend it but in the heart of kl.. i swear so many faces, so many ppl frm so many walks of life all merged under one mesh.. like fish caught in the net.. ha ha ha..

and something else got me thinkn- when it comes to living together, i understand that when new ppl move in, it is the duty of the older ppl to let them be comfortable and get used to living out here alone.
but where does one draw the line- i mean, older ppl too are used to a particular style of living n as far as allowance for the newbies is concerned it ought to be a given that u give in.. bt past a point it doesnt take long to realize that in giving so much allowance u tend to loose urself to the process.. so when the kitchen floor is dirty u mop it... thn it gets dirty again.. u mop it until after a while u wonder..wait a minute.. wt happened to compromise~?

part 3- i hear that a certain someone has invaded the other blog. i ought to be writing this in there, bt bth are the same to me. wt happened to privacy? are u that desperate to get inside one person's mind that u have to resort to petty invasions of that person's blog? ugh- love comes hard, love leaves hard.. it's an ocassion to be man enough and show wt ur made off.. nt resort to petty invasions..ugh.. shutting down the options, nt opening up ne doors..

13 November 2005

One week

I'm free... have a wide reading plan/objective, shit loads of laundry to do amongst so many other things at this point of time.. bt i wanna take a time out for myself.. thinking about running off to pyramid right now and jes chilling at the movies on my own,.. watching amelie rose.. or was it emily rose on my own.. the last such movie was jeepers creepers..

wt else do i want to do?

well spent most of yesterday sleepin and wit nik.. made up for the week of shit shit and more shit.. there, that's what i want to do.. live through the past week again.. i dunno wt i would change..prlly not a lot..

as for the two taht i was working with.. i think we did an amazing job, i knw there were tensions here and there, and perhaps there were times when ppl thought one was doin more than the other, or that some were taking it more seriously than the others.. bt for the past week.. ha ha i dn thikn i can think of having done this project with a better bunch of ppl.. ha ha we couldve all jes had a massive bitch fight because of the pressure.. :)

so yes, we're done..

08 November 2005


traffic crawls slowly on public holidays... also the city KL is becomes slower and becomes more morbid because it's the holidays... we become the villages quite and deserted whilst they become the populace...

i am jack's sad lonely mind thinking of clouds that wander on alone..

i am jacks mind ready to let loose bt unable to do so

i am jack's heart when he is sad

in jack i see myself a modern tumor spreading speedily

i am jack's brain making no sense