29 May 2012

By the beach

She looked out the window and saw the wide breadth of the beach and took in the view that lay in front of her. The setting sun kissing the water orange and the sky with pinky health. Strange as it seemed to her then, she swallowed regurgitated food, some bile and masicated food. Better in her than, out on the beautifull landscape.

She could feel her heart drumming breathlessly, as he started walking towards her. She noticed his physique, his chiseled half naked body. Inside she couldn't control the excitement she felt, and she broke out into a half turned down smile. She was afraid her knees would give way and second guessed her ability to maintain her vertical position for a minute more. No, she had to stay strong. She knew what coming here would mean.

Heck yes! She'd imagined the whole thing last night, in her bed, wringling under her covers, holding out her hand for help and not having anyone there to help her. Yes, she'd felt helpless and that felt good. In her heart, she always knew that she didn't want to keep fighting the feelings that she had. And it felt good, to just let her feelings take over, and feel utterly helpless.

He was inching closer, she wondered how it would feel. Would it feel close to what she'd felt last night, would it? She find out soon enough. Then after.. no, the consequences did not matter. They didn't matter, she'd have been transformed by the end. Into someone who didn't have to care about the afters, the tomorrows..someone who lived only in pursuit of what they wantd.

This was her trophy moment, the meaning behind her life, especially the end of it. He was standing right before her by now, the sun on his face and his breath on her cheeks. The wind in their air, the waves behind them. Could she have asked for any better?

That was the last thought in her head, before she felt the piercing pain of the blade in her stomach. No, it wasn't as she had imagined, it was better. She finally felt pain, after all the numbness of nothing, she felt her insides literally being turned inside out as he twisted the knife around her stomach cavity.

She looked at him, and found his eyes cold, even in the warmth of the beach that day. She fell, and then felt the stab in her back. Oh, this was pain, real pain. It took her breath away, breath that didn't quite return, not that day, not ever.