03 February 2017

Cinammon Powder & Chilly Flakes

With the mish mash mush,  we got married. It has been two years since,  (almost),  but it feels like we're already running out of time,  and there in lies my biggest fear. What if a lifetime is not enough?

Throwing that thought out of the window.

Recently,  an interaction with an old friend told me something new about myself. Somewhere &  some how,  unbeknownest to me,  I've transformed into someone who takes themselves seriously,  and if that were not enough,  expects people to take her seriously.

I dont know how this happened, and with this realization,  im afraid that Pandoras box has been opened. I cannot,  now,  tell myself that it's OK, that someone was rude to you.  I now HAVE to tell the other person.  Feedback. Coaching.  Call it what you will,  it's all the same.

Driven by absolute rage,  it is not controllable,  and I think it's burnt a friendship.  I know,  that if I had to second guess someone's intent,  then I dont know them very well,  and then that  would mean that they are not my friend... Eliminating any notion of friendship lost...  But...  This severance has cost me comprehension,  I fear.

Why did they think they could say what they said.  Was it me?  Did I used to let people talk to me,  disrespectfully?  Or. Have I changed now, into someone who cannot take a joke -  even a bad,  crude,  unecessary and archaic not so funny one?

I don't know.. But,  given im now in my 30s..  Anything is possible!