29 August 2005


~it's been a crazy weekend.. what can i say.. they do things to people....

27 August 2005


here's the excerpt of lolita promised awhile ago... shida, have fun... ;)

"Now i wish to introduce the following idea. Between the age limits of nine and fourteen there occur maidens who, to certain bewitched travellers, twice or many times older than they, reveal the true nature which is not human, but nymphic (that is demoniac): and these chosen creatures I propose to designate as "nymphets'.

It will be marked that i substitute time terms for spatial ones. In fact, I would have the reader see "nine" and "fourteen" as the boundaries- the mirrory beaches and rosy rocks- of an enchanted islan haunted by those nymphets of mine and surroundes by a vast, misty sea. Between those age limits, are all girl-children nymphets? Of course not. Otherwise, we who are in the know, we lone voyagers, we nympholepts, would have long gone insane. Neither are good looks any criterion; and vulgarity, or at least what a given community terms so, does not necessarily impair certain mysterious characteristics, the fey grace, the elusive, shifty, soul-shattering, insidious charm that separates the nymphet from such coevals of hers as are incomparably more dependant on the spatial world of synchronous phenomena that on that intangible island of entranced tune where Lolita plays with her likes. Within the same age limits the number of true nymphets is strikingly inferior to that of provisionally plain, or just nice, or "cute", or even "sweet" and "attractive," ordinary, plumpish formless, cold-skinned, essentially human little girls, with tummies and pigtails, who may or may not turn into adults of great beauty (look at the ugly dumplings in black stockings and white hats that are metamorphosed into stunning stars of the screen). A normal man given a group photograph of school girls of Girls Scouts and asked to point out the comeliest one will not necessarily choose the nymphet. You have to be an artist and a madman, a creature of infinite melancholy, with a bubble of hot poison in your loins and a super-voluptous flame permanently aglow in your subtle spine( oh how you have to cringe and hide!), in order to discern at once, by ineffable signs- the slightly feline outline of a cheekbone, the slenderness of a downy limb, and other indices which despair and shame and tears of tenderness forbid me to tabulate- the little deadly demon among the wholesome children; she stands unrecognixed by them and unconscious herself of her fantastic power."

Lolita, Vladimir Nabokov

26 August 2005

Acting my age~

Today.. or rather today so far...

  1. got up at 6 30 to go jogging wit farah
  2. came back n made chicken sandwiches fr brekkers, some tea and me ciggie
  3. nearly burnt the bin.. the tissue in there had caught on fire.. i came rushing out of my room, thanking who ever it is that is responsible fr my extraordinary smelling powers
  4. showered, added the finishing touches to me assignment n passed it up at 10 am
  5. Met sharon after to collect an earlier assignment, and i got a credit bt wt meant much more was she said that i had potential enough to be published and it was nice to see me taking the assignment seriously... i still can't get over it, i CAN write.. and she drew a smilie face on me drawings of the characters that i created.. they're real cute!
  6. got home and read a wonderful '100 years of soltitude' by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
  7. Had lunch~ maggi n tau fu fa (if that's how u say it) n tea
  8. Came back to Uni for a seminar, on Orang Asli's.. played usher to hoards of Malay kids frm some other sunway program, who cdn shut the fuck up before they openened the door. I became door bitch then, told a couple of them off.. really, i was in there to listen and these fools outside the door wdn come in neither shut up n leave
  9. Saw kai lun.. he was to come in too, bt i told him there were no seats available.. he LEFT like normal ppl wld... so no, i dun ne longer JUMP at sayfolians..
  10. Goin back home now, to sift through the lil book that i got off Dr Yeoh wit all the media companies that are present in Malaysia.. he gave me that when i went to him to ask him how on earth i'm meant to get a job
  11. And he told me of the coming internship e-mails, watch out for them he says, they will come handy for December.. i want to go to Pahang.. watch the Orang Asli or rather the Senoi who live there, work and interact.. we'll see how it goes..

24 August 2005

Getting there

The last post wasn't meant for anyone.. just random thoughts inspired by fellow roomie.. and this one too.. not meant for any one in particular, inspired by a fren.. sorry if this causes u any offense..

U don't argue with someone who won't listen
  1. someone who is on the defensive
  2. someone who wants to win
  3. someone who isn't going to understand u anyways
  4. someone who won't consider
  5. someone who thinks they're right, regardless
  6. someone who says they can't read you~ they dont know u then
U don't worry about what u cant change
  1. what is not in your hands
  2. what you don't feel inclined towards
  3. what is really someone else's probem
U let go of things that aren't worth fighting for
  1. things that seems so cloudy
  2. things that compromise who you think you are
  3. ppl who are just too hard for you to keep
  4. ppl who don't do ne good for you
  5. ppl who have moved on
  6. ppl who don't respect you
  7. ppl who u can't change
  8. ppl who couldn't care less abt u
  9. ppl you dislike anyways
  10. ppl whose company u don't feel inclined towards
  11. ppl you only hurt, hinder or don't think u do ne good for ne more
And saying i trust u to someone doesn't cut it, it's an honour bt the question really to ask, if if they trust you or not.
And saying deal with it means one thing~ "end of conversation. Stuff what u have to say up you arse, coz really i couldn't care less about this issue. And remember it too, so if someone were to ask what went up your ass and died, u have an answer. And then the obvious, deal with it, get it, understand it..
  1. don't complain,
  2. don't whine,
  3. don't feel self pity,
  4. don't cry,
  5. don't show how u feel,
  6. don't compromise,
  7. don't 'discuss',
  8. don't argue.... "
Cz doing any of that isn't going to change squat~ cz ur meant to deal with it.

19 August 2005

He thinks of you

the past always looks too good, the future always too scary, and the current always too boring..

when she gets dressed up she thinks of u, of the pictures she's gonna take and send to you..
and the whole of the week after she thinks of u,
she wonders what u think of her now,
of what u think of wt she's wearing,
wt u feel when u see her face dolled up for u...
that which you do not know..

when she's drunk she thinks of you, and how u look..
when she's drunk she talks of you and how she feels for you,
if that's anything at all..
at random times she thinks of you,
looks at the time and wonders what ur wearing,
where u are,
how u look like when u sleep,
when u bend down to put the plug into the socket,
open the door..

18 August 2005

@ Uni (phase 2)

Ok... this wasn't exactly one of my smartest moves... did not actually manage to go down.. i figured the elevator was 'safe' bt no, it wasn't.. because i went there.. on the frigging second floor and there's a whole pile of bees right next to the elevator and not to mention chemical smoke everywhere, i looked at the cafetaria roof.. which is glass, on one side the lights were out and on the other side it looks like the haze just came back.. but wow.. how the hell did they manage to come up all the way to the second floor.. i wanted to get into the elevator bt how to walk ON all the dead bees, not to mention the still surviving bees running around.. and the smoke smells really really werid.. like mosquito smoke bt nt really sorta thing.. and how big was the hive ne ways.. my counterpart says he does not, bt he says sympathetically that we shouldn't have done this, cz the smoke is too much for such tiny bees(nvm they are still running arnd even with all the somke).. i just wish i knew his name.. cz i really don't, n i dun wanna ask cz he knws me..n while he needs a haircut, he's cute..


Karmic Value fr monash: -10 fr today... too much death...

@ Uni (Phase I)

Guess what MONASH has.. a speaker thing! Been here two years and well this is the first time i heard the thing...


We have a beeeee problem.. and i'm stuck in the comp lab because the attendant just came in and told us that we can't leave here till 9... i feel like a refugee.. we asked the attendant wt wz up and she told us very unconvincingly that she did not know (malaysian govt like-).. bt the rumor in the lab right now is, that we have a bee hive that we need to get rid off (prb near the hostel side gate B) (and that explains the presence of those bees in ur appt the other day bhav, and well at nickshan's gf's appt as well..) and they're getting rid of it..

I'm kindda wondering how they hope to contain us in this room.. and if i could wander down at 8 30 and see wt's happening.. tik tik tik tok tik tik tik tok.. ha ha just like the mock fire drill.. and the appt rumors that the chem lab had caught on fire.. it mite turn out to be a farce.. ;)

17 August 2005

What's the Goss?

You think you know someone if u've known them for a LOOOONG time.. bt really, u never know someone... never ever ever over estimate the power of so called knowledge.. esp when it comes to ppl.. u never know someone.. even if they've grown up right in front of you..

A very 'reuniony' non-reunion yest, for the Sayfolians @ KLCC.. i don't necessarily think that i'm qualified to talk about most of the things that i intend on talking about.. bt wt are the chances that one of YOU will read it huh.. and really, it's my take on things that are happening.. so there's the disclaimer right in frnt of ur friggin face..

On the table were several issues..

  • Alisha's upcoming wedding in Feb: yes, it was a shock.. bt really, weddings mean 'congratulate, hand over the gift and hope things works for the best', and ur happy..and ur meant to be happy when ur friend's happy too.. so there.. CONGRATULATIONS.. and can't wait to let loose all on me first 'friend wedding' or rather, me 'first ever malay wedding and i so hope those egg baskets will be smashing'.. he he atoms cheerleadin there a bit, wooooohooooo!

  • Debbie's lil affair with the older man.. seriously, none of ne ones' business, that one there. Just cz it's nt the right age doesn't mean it means nothing, and just because it is the right age doesn't mean it's something. Another hair raiser tho.. and puhleeze.. so called friends, let person A decide how person A's life ought to be like

  • Guy gets friends to beat up girl wow. Seriously, wow. I never thought one of us would come down so low. I thought they taught us something in Sayfol.. something along the lines of respecting womyn, or if not respecting them.. atleast dun hurt them.. no we are not weak.. bt neither does that mean that it's ok, to extort, beat n leave.

  • $22,000 dollar ring @ Tiffanys it was a precious, precious ring.. and i swear all the so called budhist in me came crumbling down.. thank you Amira you made me just a little bit more greedy.. just a little bit more keen to marry for money.. hire a burglar.. it did feel so awfully nice on me finger..

  • A certain someone's bf, who's annoying ha ha ha ur nt goin out wit them, so shut up la.

  • I think that's about all there is.. except for irrelevant details like, there's someone in sunway who thinks that i am a new kid, who's appt half tamilian-half kannadiga thanks to me being very very blur and well, really nt up for elevator conversation...

  • rajiv n i got hitched a while back and he's in denial; as Kenneth does i analysed him yesterday(rajiv) and realised that the Mallu who can't speak the language is more INDIAN than even i am.. (i wanna beat that fucker up, he's too cocky...i wanna beat that fucker up, u dun rape womyn with ur eyes, sees BALLYS, says BAILEYS) ha ha..

  • Fadzli's borderline metrosexual, joining the ranks of Rishi bt i think he's happy flirting wit the line there.. Nabila, pleasure meeting u after well.. 2001- 2005..that's four years.. shit!

  • And beer @ Castles in B'sar goes for $25/nett per jug.. it's Carlsberg for those who must know...

15 August 2005

Weekday Bluuuuesss....

Happy Birthday India!

And yea! the haze has gone away

No natural rain, it's cloud seeding for today

Now Mr MB of Kelantan can say

God doesn't like the southern states anyway

Ha ha a petty attempt at poetry i say.. ok STOPPIT! I'm in a genial mood.. after an abs amazing weekend.. in my bed, lazing arnd the appt reading Lolita.. there's a classic bunch of lines in there, shall try n puttit in here.. made me wanna hurl.. bt then i read through them again, and realized that it was a real piece du literature.. albeit a bit twisted..

Had kicap with a half ripe mango straight-of-the- tree- from- slim-river.. delivered prompto by my appt 'too busy to sit' mother (wt's the point i shouted at her later over the fon, of driving all the way frm bentong, to slim river to pick up rice, to nilai to pick up the brother, then sunway to come in, hand out a box full of idlis, a mango and get back into the car only to call me up an hour later, asking me how i am, cz she forgot to do so when she was in raaaight in front of me!)

COooooold cooollld day this morn.. so heated up the idlis, had chicken curry with tea... yuuuummm..bangalore days all over again.. i think it's that time of the year that i start missing india again.. and that's when i knw that no one ought to believe me if i happen to say ne thing like 'i'm nt goin back.. i have no time..need to find internship..yadda yadda yadda'.. miss me naina ama too much not to..

For DD.. priya started Uni today, n i remember now why there was so much friction at the beginning.. she had ALL the lights on.. the corridor, the room,'amya n nasreen's room'... i think she was over excited n this was at 7 in the morn man.. i have class only at 10 she borrowed my fon to set the alarm..Gun Gun called her too.. then i made her put a reminder so she wdn forget to set the alarm for me, then i had the alarm and the reminder ringing in my face every other ten mins..why, i dont really know.. and i swear the Chimp's been getting on my nerves as well.. just plain because me n priya figured out (cz she acc read a msg frm tht fella to chimp) that she was goin out with him.. (baby?).. n ur roomie.. Farah, i decided her name is, she's allrite.. bt internet buff yo~ has a bloggie too... bt she dun have a PC.. remember u have a PC u wanna sell *hint*.. n Ms P sed, "No smokin in the house. Don't even ask her if it's ok. I don't trust malays so easily, you shouldn't either. Later she complains, then you know."
So i just smoke in the room now la.. she la, wanna talk so much, bt i swear she can't smell... ;)

12 August 2005

Gloom, Grey and the Indonesians...

Peposterous!!! i don't think i've used that word in aaaages.. bt the malaysian government honestly, is going to new highs on my list of countries with sucky sucky policies.. but don't worry singapore, ur right there on top.. even malaysia can't top you... And INDONESIA..death sentence i hear, for open burning...death sentence, my arse..

So we're all here, in Malaysia right, living and sharing space, and i suppose air as well. So we are breathing right, and we know that the air is horrible and smelly, and most importantly toxic, yes?
And I am amazed that I live in a country, where, citizens and commentators alike, have to 'commend' our dear Mr Prime Minister for lifting the veil of secrecy over the Air Pollutant Index.

It is not something to be commended, but any given human's natural right to know what he is breathing in, and how toxic it is, and how bad it is so he can protect himself (migrate, temporarily to Penang or well, FINE~ if u really have to, Singapore).
Seriously, what the hell is going on? I understand, if we couldn't see the haze, but its kindda like in our face, when we walk outside: at nite, at dim light, we can see it creeping in through the cracks in the windows, during the day, the sun is blocked out bt not the heat.. we are breathing in all sorts of particles, but obviously as any smoker would know, we are breathing in large amounts of Carbon Monoxide, which attaches itself permanently to haemoglobin in our blood cells, hindering the cells' ability to transport oxygen to the rest of our bodies.

But no, we do not know exactly how polluted our air is, and until recently the governement wouldn't let us know.
And then they allowed us to know.
And then we have sources on the net, independant environmental watchdogs, saying the figures aren't true, it's actually higher.
And then we have the governement saying, a state of emergency will be declared if the API goes over 500.
And then Monash Uni says, that that would be the only basis of us having cancelled classes.
And then I'm sitting in my living room, having a smoke, thinking to myself~ the whole situation is so chaotic, so absurd.

It's been arnd for ages. Indonesian forest fires. Been in Malaysia for ages, and i remember a time, when we were not allowed to leave our classrooms because of the haze. We had lunch inside, studied inside.. rushed quickly into our vans and busses, ferried off home in masks, and then stayed inside our houses. I think that was in 1997.
The government consistently holds talks with our kind neighbours, who are always sorry.
And consistently, in the next couple of years, the haze returns.
And consistently, nothing is done, and the citizens whine and gripe, gently suggesting we ought to tell those Indonesians off, and help those farmers, educate those farmers, yadda yadda ya...
And the haze disappears
And we forget.. and the cycle repeats itself~
And ppl merchandise, selling cheap masks (2 for $1) at places like the side gate.. where smokers once thrived...
Not to mention, ppl like me, who insist on smoking.. even at times like this...

I am angry and depressed.. because walking outside, i am reminded of Lessing's Survivor.. a dystopic world.. i don't want to live in this, nobody wants this... go away! Most importantly, don't return.. And it's annoying when there doesn't seem to be much being done, that as The Star reports, we have to wait till friggin Oct to be able to do things like, jog.. which reminds me, upcoming ball.. i was supposed to have lost some weight by then.. i was to go joggin.. now, I'd be called crazy for doing that~ Sigh.. Budha would say meditate, I say I'm migrating too... to Bentong.. i hear it's not that bad there.

Good Bye!


10 August 2005


I need to reinterate, i dislike the ppl in Sumatra. the weather today has been horrible.. heavy loom of haze and visibility at less than one kilometre... i need to go buy the mask, n the weekend should see me spending time at bentong because i'm running away frm the loom...

the weather reminds me of bangalore so much, except in b'lore the haze is the fog, and it's colder and the air doesn't add toxic impurities to ur lungs.. and when i came in, there was thunder and now i see wet ppl running arnd the comp lab so i'm assuming it's been raining.

good thing i shut all the windows in the house, all the curtains.. even the kitchen door has been shut and i'm pretty positive that it hasn't been shut in a long ass time because there was a layer of dust when i moved the door.. and i wonder how come, malaysians have for so long suffered the open fire burning ritual in sumatra, with this govt never applying pressue on te fellas..

last nite was interesting. i know i speak for all when i say that,
mr aaron very high *my mental body awake but my physical body is not responding*
BHAV high
asra shaking her booty to the daymned floor
baljin try'n to make sense of the crowd
nish on the sofa, very tipsy.. downed water that i gave him, tellin me he CAN drink
shnel.. u nearly got the cake man, just abt *nearly*
rudy sanchez, pestering sanj and vice versa
losh busy tryin to loom her way into getting a discount for the bottle by *talking* to the bartenders
shida, on the chair, sucking on ice cubes, avoiding calls frm an *other*
Is n *fren*.. busy with themselves
sujan & sabri making ppl down drinks
yumi n *fren*.. dancing n goin missing
yours truly was busy getting ppl to tie a bow on to the top whose strings kept untying themselves
2 strangers dancin n drinkin n well celebratin the ocassion..
three other dudes whose name i forget now, rollin n smokin.. *puff**puff**puff*

i think that's the head count.. hence the bottle to person ratio would be abt 4:1...

so there, tuesday nite clubbin at rum jungle, nt so bad after all. the only negative being the 9 'o' clock class the nxt day, n the sudden excercise involving the writin a radio news script.. *YAWN*

06 August 2005

Battle of the Bands 2005 @ Sunway Pyramid

Was at the battle of the bands today.... some sort of battle it turned out to be: one decent band that evoked all the energy we actually thought we were gonna spend, thought we were gonna use.. with the bland performances that we encountered,

one amazing amassing of crowd for an apparently christian band that sung the song, 'Crucified Love' (seriously, there's only so much we can integrate, only so much that we can tolerate). I thought it was the chick in green, thin n frail, with glitter on her eyes that drew the crowd, bt a friend informs me that it was a church band that played so i knw where the crowd came from now.

Apart from that, the nite was filled wit corny jokes, Emcee Slyde: the M&M's (cute) soft toy has no hair, neither do i... ha ha ha (laughs at own joke). Pre-rehearsed speech routine that frankly did nothing for us, we found more to laugh at (like the dude who i'm sure was on something when he was jumping arnd nearly falling off the steps, skinny legs, in shorts bt old), MIA lucky draw winners (see, they din even stick arnd to see whether or not they won something, and the prizes were really cute effigies of M&M faces), really enthusiastic crowd members who seemed to head bang even when there was no music.. and then some...

The only other point of interest being this guy who looked so much like an old friend i was sure they were related: the dude was so into everything, he even found the enthusiasm to clap n prance about when the chick in green sung a very high (gulp) strung rendition of a jiggle for sponsor M&Ms~ I think the very fact that i have more to say about the crowd than the performers speaks for itself.. either that or i'm a scatter brain.. ha ha ha (guess what, i laugh at my own jokes too)

And i hear that the band that was decent didn't win ne thing, meaning first place (that which they rightly deserve), second place (that which can be given to them cz we need to encourahe the less professional *twits*) third place (absolutely unforgivable, bt atleast a placement)- so i think one of the things that the judges are not interested in bands that actually perform well enough to make the sitting, tired audience get up and pay attention, or head bang or well, jump up n down the stairs at Pyramid.. so i need to ask, what are u looking for exactly?

But really it's my fault for not sticking arnd till the results were announced, bt then again, i dun blame myself: a show that was meant to start at 7 started at abt 8 30, held at the entrance of a mall so essentially very lil place, nt quite entertaining (window shoppin was still an option, so was double checking if the car was locked).. so i guess we'll never know..

03 August 2005

Topless Man at Window

Every day at 11, there's a man at the window. he removes his shirt and waves to the passers by. he's been doin that every single day the past couple of years, he's a legend.
There's nothing special about what he's done, except he's been consistent, creative and original. Carved a niche for himself in well, perhaps just the waving to passerby business, bt still.. that's something..

doesn't take much in life to become someone famous, or legendary, to make ppl wonder where u are from or who u are.. jes a couple of things that takes/keeps u apart from all the other millions of ppl arnd in the world. that's all.

01 August 2005

Wish list for the new roomate/housemate

1) has bottles in her closet fr emergencies (no puking ah)
2) open minded
3) someone who smokes baby, ne things fine
4) clubs
5) has a car n unlimited petrol n toll money
6) friendly bt not over bubbly like DD
7) nt too dressy according to DD
8) has a water filter
9) has a lap top NOT PC
10) hates the internet
11) tck
12) no bf~ single as long as we're single
13) nt neat nt messy, tolerant, not obsessive of either
14) hygenic
15) Loves sabi n DD
16) she conveniently disappears when ever we want her to
17) social, bt cannot bring frens over more than sabi
18) no religious biases
19) good at cooking, loves to share
20) she has to have less handbags n n EARRINGS shoes n clothes than DD
21) jangan nak show off la
22) respect (who?) DD says her..
23) someone wit t.v. she puts in the living room
24) can sleep with the lights off, nt the main light
25) nt one of those puntat freaks
26) no vodoo shit man!
27) someone who has an ironing board and an iron
28) someone who has a hot pan (bth above n below~ willing to share)
29) someone who knws how to reduce frizz, hair expert la
30) someone who can put make up, has a giant mirror, extensive book collection
31) someone who doesn't gossip like an ollllld maid or talks of boys 24/7
32) someone who has cute guy frens who are old as well
33) someone who speaks fluent english, preferably multi-lingual
34) someone who jogs in the morning, plays badminton
35) someone who doesn't study tooo much, bt smart
36) listens to good music
37) Someone cool enough so we can show this list to her eventually