A Question of Memory
I don't know about you, but when ever I meet someone I extend my hand to say hello to them, and then let them lead me. They smile, and then ask me something about myself, and then I return the gesture and accompany it with another question.
And if the other person feels the same way, then they too follow my lead and we have a conversation, and get to know one another, and maybe the next time I see them down the hallway, I'd wave at them or give them a quick smile. If I have time, I'd stop, and see if they match the move. Should they, we continue to have another conversation, and maybe, with enough of these we become friends.
When this doesn't happen, and we don't move past the first hand shake, we remain acquaintances. Till maybe we get stuck in the lift, or any other confined space, like a meeting or a training session, where once again, they take the lead and I follow.
When that doesn't happen, they stay an acquaintance, and slowly the memory of the first handshake fades and they return to being the stranger they were. Maybe in conversations with other colleagues I could remember their name, or something they said about themselves, and in this they may live. But for the lack of sight, and speech and time, they will fade, like an old photograph left in the sun.
What I need to know, is, not how friends become lovers but maybe how lovers of the past disappear. Do we layer a life without them, over the layer that had them present or do we just wake up one morning and simply forget about them. Laugh. I know the answer to that already.
So maybe I want to know, if we in conversation keep them alive, and active and maybe even change the not so great memories into wonderful, lived, fantasies? Or do we just loose interest, maybe we don't make that eye contact with them in the hallway, stop listening to that something that tells you someone that your fond of is going to come walking through that door, or walking down the hallway. Stop recognizing the shape of their body in the shadow that precedes them.
I'd like to know how people forget people. Not that I haven't in my life forgotten people, just that I've never traced their removal from my life. Perhaps, it was too slow for me to notice. But I'd like to know all the same, because it seems to me, that I remember everyone that I've ever cared about. And I think sometimes, that I get forgotten and with ease. So either I was not cared for, or other people forget in a way different to me.
And if the other person feels the same way, then they too follow my lead and we have a conversation, and get to know one another, and maybe the next time I see them down the hallway, I'd wave at them or give them a quick smile. If I have time, I'd stop, and see if they match the move. Should they, we continue to have another conversation, and maybe, with enough of these we become friends.
When this doesn't happen, and we don't move past the first hand shake, we remain acquaintances. Till maybe we get stuck in the lift, or any other confined space, like a meeting or a training session, where once again, they take the lead and I follow.
When that doesn't happen, they stay an acquaintance, and slowly the memory of the first handshake fades and they return to being the stranger they were. Maybe in conversations with other colleagues I could remember their name, or something they said about themselves, and in this they may live. But for the lack of sight, and speech and time, they will fade, like an old photograph left in the sun.
What I need to know, is, not how friends become lovers but maybe how lovers of the past disappear. Do we layer a life without them, over the layer that had them present or do we just wake up one morning and simply forget about them. Laugh. I know the answer to that already.
So maybe I want to know, if we in conversation keep them alive, and active and maybe even change the not so great memories into wonderful, lived, fantasies? Or do we just loose interest, maybe we don't make that eye contact with them in the hallway, stop listening to that something that tells you someone that your fond of is going to come walking through that door, or walking down the hallway. Stop recognizing the shape of their body in the shadow that precedes them.
I'd like to know how people forget people. Not that I haven't in my life forgotten people, just that I've never traced their removal from my life. Perhaps, it was too slow for me to notice. But I'd like to know all the same, because it seems to me, that I remember everyone that I've ever cared about. And I think sometimes, that I get forgotten and with ease. So either I was not cared for, or other people forget in a way different to me.
Comments
I have found that the only way to purposeful forgetfulness - though there might be an issue there as you are fondling the memory which you are trying to forget - is to substitute it.
Reasoning logically with the memory rarely works as you are still in the clutches of the memory you are tryin to erase.
Its like quitting smoking. A frequency reduction plan rarely has a long lasting effect. You either stop completely or else!
I've found that the occupation of the mind with something else of worth is the only thing that works.
Is it easy? You kidding me?
C.