24 June 2005

For the 20th year

A man has a man... a woman as a woman... and in this they belong.

BELONGING... what the fcuk is that?

Lets talk fragmentation.... we are fragmented like thoughts that spring in and arnd and in and arnd.. this is what i am.. i am...

still struggling to find and figure myself
i say to love... 'leave me alone. A little while longer'
I am blocking so many things right now
like u leaving..
like him and his talk..
my own expectations of wt i want in Him...
Ignoring.. blocking.. numbing..

reducing.. and i'm not growing...

it's gonna be 20 time soon...
i knw it's not much of a difference...

big 20 n where do i place myself?
i thought i would have more to say abt myself now..
in this i think that when i was younger still i had more of an idea of where i was goin

my dreams.. getting shot on BBC
ha ha ha
i'm still a kid

still a kid who's tooth is being pulled out without ne intention of it being given away..

i got jealous today
at that soft toy..
i want one too..
from who tho..
and why?

I wanna own a restaurant
plan my own house
live wit a dog, a reptile and fish in the pond
my house is to have a pathway
and i want the path to have rose bushes
pink and red button roses
i want my house small..
a studio appt
that has a pathway
it's unrealistic
bt i want it

I don't want to have ne one
ne one who comes brings so much more
much more on this load called life that i'm allready carryin
i dun want him
i dun want Him
i dun want ne one
i think that i can bring more on my own to myself

poetry of life
my life
un rhyming
un metered
it's a poor imitation of poetry
bt a pretty dam straight depiction of me
there is no structure
there is no hope
and i'm sinking
like water down the sink

drifters
lone drifters
broken scuba board
ocean arnd
waiting to be rescued
no one arnd

makes me wonder
if there was someone who extended their arm to me right now
would i take it
i wouldn
cz i wanna be me
wit my dreams
and my house
and my life
it's sad
bt true

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