14th Feb 05
wow..been a year since Rishi. There's a very gentle wind blowing into my room but isn't doing much for the heat. I'm content to sit here nonetheless, with my fan off and feel the breeze, making me nostalgic nonetheless. Only realized it's valentine's day after sweetum jane messaged me to wish me- Happy Valentines to you too Jane! Avi should be on a plane right now, spending his valentines with the air stewardesses as he says. It's supposed to be a magical time isn't it? Where did valentine's day come from i wonder.
Obviously who ever marketed valentines is a good dude, his skills are phenomenal. And though it may simply be reduced to be a marketing gimmick, I cannot deny that it does seem magical. I remember walking through pyramid last year, I saw Thava running around looking for a dress for Rukshiela. And it's that, those actions that make valentine's day special. The desperateness that clings onto everyone in love to express it- i have a sadistic comparision to this desperateness- them lemmings that hunt for water so that they can jump into it and commit mass suicide every autumn- so yea, that would be my comparision.
I smile to myself, as i remember last year Pumpkin was the first to wish me- and me knowing that i wanted to spend the day with him more than anyone else, and now, a year later and i can't make up my mind on what i would ideally wanna do. I wanna be in jane's house having a fag, watching T.V. Maybe later go out for some food with good company, Toh should be there except she wouldn't; Asra(coz she doesn't believe in Val day), Jon (cz he's so comforting), Yamin (prb would have plans bt he can bring us some laughter) and that would be my day.
It is true, loneliness begs company, but more than that, i think it's simply the fact that this us is one 'celebration' that i can't be a part of, that's bugging me. I ought to be a part of this, shouldn I? I think one of my biggest problems could be that i do not like to be denied wt i want, and in return i never want what i don't think that i should/can have. ANd right now all i want is to be in K.L. Cz that's where things like Val day or Birthday becomes alive. Thats where i live, that's where lol my homies live and screw Val day, i just wanna live my day in K.L.