02 January 2013

How to deal with a break up- My guide!

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Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, and while Happily Ever After is a concept that we like to chase, it can't be for everyone. For some of us, it's involved having our hearts crushed time and time again because we've given ourselves away to someone who wasn't meant to happen.

We can't all up and die, else, every second person would be killing themselves. But if it meant enough, death becomes an option. So does self destructive behavior. So I thought long and hard on some things that I would do, or have done, that helped me overcome relationship disasters. And trust me when I say, I've had plenty of experience in disasters of the kind.

Tip 1: Some times 'moving on' needs to be taken literally. Like you have to get up and just move. Given the emotional state that you are in, it is not recommended that you drive or ride. Get into a vehicle during your favorite time of the day. I prefer mornings, because it is those that I dred after a break up. 6 am on the public bus, buy a ticket to the last stop, get a seat by the window, look at the sky brighten and listen to Adele- Someone Like you. That's the most up to date song I can think of, though what has worked for me in the past is vile but helpful- Eamon : Fuck It (Don't want you back)

Tip 2: This one is a no brainer. Hang out with your friends. You're allowed one whine session and the rest of it HAS to be try and have fun sessions. Though be warned, friends are friends, and they want you to be happy, as soon as possible. This means, that they may will try and prove to you that the many other fish in the ocean thing is true and that everyone is substitutable. Don't jump from the frying pan, into the fire... resist the urge for a quick fix. And don't mope around them as well, remember the rule, one whine session and then it's forget and have fun..at least while you're with company!

Tip 3: Learn to hang out with yourself. How? Do the things you like, if it's shopping then so be it (set yourself a budget, stick to it! Or window shop- studies have shown repeatedly that window shopping is almost as therapeutic as the real deal). Else leave your phone at home, go to a coffee shop and read, write about your feelings. Too girlie? Then pick up a hobby, pick up two! Learn how to play the guitar, go to the gym, get into a martial arts training program, cook up some new recipes, gardening, anything. Just be sure that this anything isn't something that you and your ex had planned to do together

Tip 4: Reinvent yourself. Break ups often accompany this feeling that you're not good enough and though most of it is mental, a physical change can often inspire an internal revolution. Think about it first, do not be impulsive and consult with a few and get it done. Once it's done, own it! A new hair cut, a wardrobe change, a new car, a new phone.. what ever it is that makes your jingle peppy and poppy, whack it. Buy yourself the hope that things can and will get better, they have to!!

Tip 5: Get out there. Someone said, the time it should take for you to get over your respective other should be half the time you were with them. So if it was 4 years, then get over time is 2 years. Make your own rule.. just remember opening the door to happiness means you need to open the door, to let it come through. At the same time, it means you don't let just anyone come through! The best thing to do, I find, is to be happy inside and outside. Take care of yourself, again, in appearances. Mourning is good, for a week, but after that, it's lame.

And trust me, when you're content with yourself, you'll find that this new found confidence exudes itself, and suddenly you'll find that somewhere in all of this mess, there's a silver lining :)

This is what I've learnt, feel free to add your comments in the comment section... maybe we'll end up with an encyclopedia of information that will help someone someday. 

5 comments:

Noopur Kothari said...

I wish you could have read the post...it was not actually about defeating but the struggle Damini did....
Thanks for your valuable visit there...


Noopur
http://apparitionofmine.blogspot.in/

Jack said...

Saro,

Very sane tips. I feel sorry that you had to go through this phase. One should always have confidence and faith in self to understand that one who has broken up is not worth crying about. I am repeating my statement about any relationship being healthy depends upon four basic principles :

Mutual Respect which includes for those who are near ones of partner also.

Mutual Trust which means giving space and not being possessive while not misusing such given space.

Accepting Partner As He or She is without trying to change him or her while making efforts to overcome own weaknesses.

Two Way Open & Logical Communication without being angry or raising voice.

Anyone who falls short of this is not worth crying about.

Take care

PS : My late visit made me read so many pending posts and I have left comment on each from Shoppers Stop onwards. If you feel comfortable, we may continue more discussion about healthy relationships. My id is in my profile.

Stagg Mann said...

You forgot the most important one- Slander your ex into humiliation- tell everyone the ex was lousy in bed, that the ex is a cheapskate, and also swings the other way. Sure its immature but immaturity never felt better.

a Rat said...

Nice post, Saro.

Saro said...

@Noopur: :) I tried to guess at it!

@Jack: I'm happy to say that that phase in my life is long gone Jack.. on hindsight, i actually feel a bit nostalgic!! I do agree that acceptance of their true self is super important!

@Stagg: Those are the realities aren't they. Gosh you're hilariousness! One thing that's worked for me...say that the ex has crabs :) ha ha ha u've made me publicly admit to it too~

Thanks Rat!