11 August 2012

Love ya Arranged?

Love or Arranged, a marriage is a marriage of minds, hearts, families and ideas. But given that it's meant to be a debate, then here goes the debate for arranged and against love marriage. Please be aware, that, I am multi toned as a person, in idea and in thought. So while I do think arranged marriage is better, I myself could probably never get into an arranged marriage.

Why?

Support

One of the things that's really important in a marriage is the advise of people who have been married, sucessfully or otherwise. Whether this advice should be taken seriously or not is another issue all together, but, I've always thought that experience speaks volumes when it comes to making marriagess work. Who else can give me that support, but my parents.

 A marriage that I have been close to and seen up close and personal, that is advise and support that I would never want to loose. While a love marriage doesn't necessarily mean that there wont be any support, an arranged, garners a lot more involvement from your family because they were part of the whole process.


Logistics

Another thing that the parents do before a marriage is sealed, is they fix things like living arrangements, the wedding venue and all the other things that couples in love, would have to do themselves. Ofcourse that opinion really depends on prespective, but we all know that this is sensitive matter, at best. For example, in a mixed religion marriage, who gets the say on how things need to be done? Or for living arrangements, how can a the new wife put it into her husband's head that she loves his family, but she needs them to have more space.

 Isn't it nicer to just have the parents do talking of this sort and know that if they don't agree to what you're asking for, it's ok for the whole thing to get called off. Love doesn't give you that option does it. The person is not negotiable,. everything else is. In arranged, everything is negotiable. The importance of doing the whole back ground verification cannot be stressed enough (ps. I am not talking about the sort of checking idiots do on girl/guys to find out whether they're virgins or what have yous- but more the sort that check to see if the girl/guy is already married in another state etc) and well reducing the occurence of a scam will only help a marriage, don't you think?

Heart

The heart is a funny thing. I like to think of this phase in an arranged marriage as a case of the Stockholm Syndrome. You've been kidnapped and you find yourself living in your kidnappers house, and slowly falling in love with him, because he's so darn approved!

Ha! But that is what ends up happening, eventually. Having been in and out of relationships, I know that the heart can fall in love again- and that is a fact. It can fall in love  as bad and as deep again with someone else, if you let it and let yourself have that second chance or third or umpteenth time at happiness. And I hate to say this, but I do think, that if you really want to, you can fall in love with just about anyone. This is why I tell people, that a love marriage is a narrow minded person's approach to a marriage. To be a truly open minded person, you'll embrace the infinite possibilites that can occur out of an arranged marriage.

So...

There are my three main reasons arranged marriages are better than love. I guess it's really all about priorities and mindset. I know while I love the idea of an arranged marriage, there are so many dangers within it. Though love marriage has the same dangers, (abusive relationship etc) atleast you get a trial run and are not so surprised when stuff happens. So it's really a person to person thing, I guess the important thing is that you should know what you can do and cannot do.

Like me, I know I need to know the person properly, so I know it has to be a love and not arranged marriage for me.. or one of those hybrids. So I'm not going to sit there and agree to an arranged marriage and whine the rest of my life about how my life was not the way it was supposed to be..
And in knowing, we can all make the right decisions that will give us the same risks, but atleast we know we can handle what ever comes our way, right?

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For more on this debate: www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange

4 comments:

Confused Soul said...

You GO GIRL! :D
I think this was a very well-thought out post with the facts all sorted.
I was nodding reading it the entire time :)

All the best!
And hey you can red my take here (if you like)- http://perceptionsofaconfusedsoul.blogspot.in/2012/08/love-marriage-ya-arranged-marriage.html

:)

Saurabh Chawla said...

nice post :) all the best!!

have a look at this one too when you get time and do promoteit on indiblogger if you like it :)

http://saurabhchawla2345.blogspot.com/2012/08/love-is-arranged-by-god-4.html

Stagg Mann said...

Yeh cheating hai. You didn't really pick one or the other.

And does it piss you off to see people posting their own links in the comments section?

Saro said...

u got all the way back here? i didn't did i? For me it's love love all the way, just for everyone else, it's what ever suits them!

Nope, I just go back to their post and put my link in there. That way we're even :)