06 February 2007

About Charlie's Chocolate Factory

Charlie was a poor boy in a city in big city, not tall and handsome like all the other boys around him, but small and stout. He walked like a duck, feet spread horizontal pointing east and west, while every one's feet pointed north.

He had a stutter, he could not talk in lines, instead splattering words into people's faces, his sense of nervousness exciting his salival glands. Soon, with no friends as such to speak off, Charlie took a fascination to birds. All around him, he noted crows, and pigeons and chickens..

The way the crows were ruthless when swooping in for a kill: he noted tht while hard work might pay off, carefully choosing ones prey was even more vital, and knowing when to pick off another' s hard earned efforts earned him a free meal.

From pigeons he noted that while within a group it was essential for harmony to exist, but when it came to flying, there could only be one at the front. And often he who knew the way led the birds to a safe nest, and he who didn't ended up in vile places like human houses.

And off chickens, he realized that there is no such thing as morality, crime or punishment. Chickens came to this planet, as if to fulfil just one purpose: to be eaten by Man. And in their short course of life, they breed, lay eggs.. live productively and then go to the butcher themselves. He realized that the hand that controls the lives of the productive humans stood to gain more profit, than those who live their lives to be productive.

And so Charlie learnt, through conversations he carried out in secret with his bird friends, the essence of what it meant to be to be human, to be successfull and rich. And eventually, Charlie owned his chocolate factory.

And inside this big Chocolate Factory, there were many things, but more than anything: there were people. The one thing that Charlie never had growing up as a young person, he had at his Chocolate Factory. That's why the Chocolate, only he saw.

Inside the employees were sick of his quacked sense of humour, making them work. Most of them were stuck on small computers, and 45 cm by 60 cm tables. Chairs that refused to bend backwards..all day these people thought of the things they could be doing, if they didn't have to be in the factory.

Some of them dreamed of a life, where they spent time with their loved ones. Others dreamt of dancing the night away, in the company of handsome and beautiful strangers. A few dreamt simple dreams, longing to be in bed an hour longer, or hoped for the electricity to get cut so they could seperate their fingers from the keyboards. Whilst others still, kept going, beleiving they would one day become the Coop Cleaners.

The Coop Cleaners, for those not initiated into the Chocolate Factory Rituals, were those who cleaned the shit from the thousands of birds that chirped above the people who worked in the factory. The ceiling of the factory had a giant horizontal bird cage that housed thousands and thousands of birds. They chirped chirped their way through days and nights. And besides chirping, the other thing they did all day was shit down on the head of all the employees below them.

And that's where the Coop Cleaners came in. They played the middle role, of not only attempting to clean up all the shit thrown down generously on the employees by the birds above them, but also at the same time ensuring the birds stayed fed. All day the Coop Cleaners worked more hours than anyone, hoping that one day, the day would come when they would be like the birds themselves. Closer to the Sky called Charlie... and hence, enjoying a life in the clouds.

They would pacify the new employees, if say a falling piece of shit hit them in the eye the very first day, when they'd tend to look at what the hell made all that noise. And they would ruthlessly send employees home, if say one even so much as dared to throw something at the coop above, yelling for the birds to shut up, or yelling anyways just telling the birds to F*** Off.

And that's the factory that Charlie the little boy from a big city built. He did not understand happiness, and he did not understand that people did not flock towards him because they liked him. They flocked to him because they wanted what he had.

So one day, when Bijen.. an employee of more than six years, finally cracked under the pressure and decided that he wld sooner go knackers than let Charlie continue this horrible factory, brought a can of gasoline and spread it all over the factory, computers, booth tables, birds, bird shit and all.. and the place burnt over night with all the birds crying at their demise...

And Charlie was surprised.


Douchebag McNigger said...

"Charlie was a poor boy in a city in Bengal, not tall and handsome like all the other boys around him, but small and stout."

So every other boy in his city was Punjabi?

Sabitha said...

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha... probably