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she.

yes. shes the one that can wait a bit longer.  work a bit harder. understands more. knows better. matters lesser.  yes. she can hold on.  she wont go anywhere.  should she then, life will go on.  its ok. it doesnt matter.  yes. shes the one with no nick names. a forgotten memory.  a checked out hotel room. she'll be there. she'll be fine.  yes. she's the one i love lesser. lesser everyday. dont tell her. let her be there. there where shes happy. let her believe it still exists. 
Recent posts

Burn

She took a puff in, and felt a burn in her chest. So hot, she felt feverish, and slipped deep into a delirium so round, so alluring, she closed her eyes and let it suck her in. Right here, in the middle of the many coloured rings she saw him standing, hand stretched out.  She slapped it away and ran the opposite direction until she stopped hearing footsteps and turned her head around.  Where did he go? What had happened to him, she thought walking back the same way she had run.  But why are you going back that way, asked her mind, but her heart owned her body she kept taking steps back.  Until he reached out to her, grabbed her by the feet, cared not when she fell flat on her ass and he dragged her across the slippery floor, into the circles.  She turned around, dug her nails into the ground, and screeched across the floor, regretting those steps back from a moment ago.  She yanked her leg back, but it made no difference, because he had a firm grip on her foot. She sensed a violence, a

Eulogy to PuNk Kingdom

She would take random pictures and videos of her close friends and showed them beautiful parts of themselves.  She was so cruel to herself, and would constantly give feedback and challenge herself, we'd wonder, but she is so beautiful, why can't she see. She was the woman, who came into my life and changed everything. She elevated me, secured me and then she didn't. I lost her, and am loosing more of her, and now she's gone. Nobody will ever know what she meant to me. My sacred love, I don't know how I'll live without you. " He says, to himself.  She was my only friend, in my business. And she will be very missed.  Sabi was full of life, energy. She was crazy, fiesty, happy and compassionate. Funny. Did we say crazy?! Oh sorry, we couldn't forget.  She was a beautiful, sucessful feminist who loved  herself. And she was smart. Intelligent. And a stoner. I can't do this. I can't talk. She was like me. In so many ways.  And with this, she felt a ri

Numb

Somedays, it's pain. Otherdays, her sisters envy, jealousy and love come to visit. The only kind siblings, were loneliness & numbness. She never visits and never expects. Loneliness: She didn't even know she was misunderstood. It just never occured for her that she could be seen by others, when she herself couldn't see them.  She didn't need to label her feelings. She never thought to want anyone else. She was safe, happy and content. Self sufficient. 

Grief

 Grief walked around during day time in the sliver of a popped up vein on the forehead, and she carried it around like a child with a medal for something she didn't understand. She knew, she understood it marked her now. From the moment she sensed loss, it marked her the way snails leave trails on hard black granite. There one minute, disappearing the next to sight, but you know they're there.  It was at night she most felt them. From inside, they'd creep through her body and open her eyes wide open, as she remembered where she was and what was happening.  To be as powerless, to change what can only be, what can only happen in each person's pursuit for happiness, joy, love and laughter... And while this is true of everyone, grief turned inside of her like hot coals in a slow oven. It burnt, pained and hurt her to see that everything can indeed change at the speed of a light switch turning on. Even the most precious of apples, sowed and reaped rot when they've outlas
Amongst the many hues and shades of colour, there was just one that stood out brightly. A shade not etched in , a shade that no one saw, a shade hiding slyly between two shades of something, there was nothing. You will shades into existence, with peer persistence, but hasn't every shade been discovered. What if you find something new? What happens when it's been explored and whilst the mundane bleeds out of you, it drains everything you ever knew. Including you. The shades that are known are defined into red, blue and green. They land a particular way, they pair up best with so and so, they reflect brightness on ex complexion,they complement y. Theyre boxed and briefed, canned and stocked, labelled and sold, to just about everyone. But what off the colours that are to be yet discovered, silently sitting in the corner of a painters pallete, a discovery to be found. Untamed, wild, out of the box and weird. Unowned, free, frolicky and unfettered. Unshaped, disformed, unknow

Patterns Deviate, like people.

They connected the dots with matching moles and travelling spirits. They sat in silence, under the night sky watching the stars. Resigned to fate, it was known that it was ending. I'll love you till the end of time, would still be true. They had just stopped pretending it was anything more than it actually was. A deep friendship. Maybe it wasn't important to know every inch of the other person, there was no ultimate wholeness. Really, they were simply two halves that were shaped the same.  Maybe if you were truly known, you would only be tolerated. Who escapes one hell, to find another. For all hot flames, simmer down to deep ember. From one it came, and to it, it returned. For it truly just belonged, just to it at the end.